rpness... dont question the crack

*Drew brushes a thumb his eye* " now I'm crying like a woman...if Sera could see me now , she would say I told you so bro and then i'd get pissed off like usual."

"Come on.. we can go upstairs.. and lock the door and you can cry if you want.. and we can cuddle and we can talk.. and Christian won't notice if I'm late and Jessica can go screw herself"

*Drew pulls his hoody over his head* " Alright fine. " *Drew stumbles in front of Tristan and opens the door to the house*

"aaahh the casualties of being in love.. although this talk may result in its own casualties"

*Drew stares back at tristan* " Don't you dare tell Sera or mason about this."

"Dumbie why would I want to do that.. I live to make you feel good not to hurt you..and no I didnt mean that to be perverse although ever since it left my brain its getting worse and worse sounding"

*Drew smirks while his eyes are glossy with tears* " I love you, even if you're not innocent anymore. well you still have that air of innocence about you I hope no one takes away."

"HOnestly one day you'll learn.. I am innocent sheesh the perversion is all a coverup.. I don't know why but being with you that innocent feeling never changes"

" I'm still learning, Because It doesn't matter how long we've been together, I still learn. You honestly were the last person I thought i'd end up with. I never saw you that way until you were curled up in my lap while I babysat."

"Yeah well I never thought you'd honestly fall for a brat like me. So you got the short end of the deal you should be complaining not so grateful.. Now come on talkie time cause its now or never I'm never bringing this stupid shit up again"

*Drew gets into the room and hops onto the bed*

*Pounces on him* "I need cuddles because you know I hate talking about shit so this requires lots of cuddling and possibly some backrubbing somewhere along the line"

*Drew lays tristans head against his chest while his traces circles on his back* " Relax."

"I'll try..ok now for one you don't get why I let myself get hurt back then. I honestly doubted then and I still do if I'd be capable of forgiving myself for hurting someone weaker than me. Holding back isn't exactly an art that's easy for werewolves. I was more worried about hurting them than what was going to happen to me. I mean things got out of hand quicker than I could understand.. and these days I can't forgive myself for letting it happen.. I always feel like it's my fault that it did. That because I didn't stop it it's my own fault that I feel so dirty all the time, that I have nightmares, that someone's touched me besides you, and it horrifies me to no end"

*Drew drops his chin on top of tristans head* " you know I guess I don't blame you for wanting to keep your title as a good person, even demons have those moments where they can be in control.....I remember when I blew up over someone hurting you and you had to scream at me to snap me out of it.....I wish I could have been there to help, but it makes me realize that you are much stronger than you think, not because you let it happen but you have control.....you aren't dirty to me , you just did what you had to. "

"No I didn't... I didn't have to let it happen.. plus theres still the whole issues with Xander and my stupid idiotic medical issues that we have to adress.. and then you get to vent cause I know you need it too"

" I don't need to vent, please Its fine."

"Darling everyone needs to vent.. especially when they're married to someone like me.. and I don't mind listening honestly I swear.. but yeah anyway continuing the idiocy I call my life.. ah me and Xander it's a big issue that people who haven't dealt with werewolves for what seems like an eternity would never get.. Mason still barely does and he's been around me almost as long as I've been around me. It's hard to even describe.. You see us werewolves are stuck between the wildness of pure wolves and the domesticity of dogs because our emotions make us want to be loved and cared for. Well then there's what we like to call the tamers. All of us have one and they're alot easier to find within a lifetime than something like we have is. But pointing being they're people who are pretty much born to suit us. To protect us and care for us and all that good shit. There are alot of werewolves who do fall for theirs because I mean it's easy to love someone who understands you so perfectly and cares for you unconditionally... who is born to care for you. That's the bond I can never shake with Xander. Our romantic relationship is so far history it's not even funny but thats a bond that never goes away. It's why I fight for him, you always feel like you owe someone who cares for you that much.. and it's why he;ll never get over me. He won't try to get in the way because he can't because he can't hurt me but believe me if you left for five minutes he'd be trying to get me back.. and he can't help it"

" I don't know why hearing that scares me, I fought so long to have you.....but its like....I'm not sure sometimes. its like a neverending love trial. I'm scared of being this person who makes mistakes.....like if I don't show you love will you leave...or will you be upset if I'm not being affectionate enough or how much is too much. I'm scared of not being perfect, when the twins were born it was like everything became real for me.....what you meant to me. those kids are weird , home wreckers.....there everything you and I were as children. I want to watch them grow up....I don't want you to feel like i'm not here and when I have to teach we may not see each other as much, but I just want you to know you're all i think about, you're my best friend and even demons have soulmates. You're my only, I can't find someone else....it just wouldn't work, i just want to keep you. Xander is the one who scares me because he actually poses a threat, if I ever lost you.....I could find someone. i want to lay next to you all the time, its not just about sex, because for me sex is a bonding moment for you and I. Since the kids were born we don't get alot of those. when I was a kid before you meant me it was about being good for my mom, even sera had her moments. She wanted to be loved and she found that maybe you were hers, but I think she realizes you're brother is hers. Just promise me I won't have all these reasons to be scared. I want them to go away....." *Drew squeezes his eyes shut tightly while a tear runs down his cheek*

"It's going to be ok I promise you. Xander and me were a thing yeah.. and I was almost happy with him. Almost but that's the difference he can't make me happy like you do. I dealt with it because when you were gone it was the closest I could get to accepting a relationship with anyone. It's hard not to be ok with being with him. But it's just not the same.. the minute I saw you were back it was over. I couldn't stand to even think of him that way. Because he's not you... I know what I'm missing when we're not together and I don't want to have to miss that. Yeah he's perfect for me I can't deny that he always was and always will be.. But I know I'm not perfect and so I don't want someone who is because it's too easy it's too simple it's just not right"

" yeah, but for me I never loved anyone, Sera used to laugh about it and really I dated all the time....and somehow you managed to make me feel something....I just don't want you to go away." *Drew tightens his arms around tristan* " Please don't go."

"I'd never even think of leaving you.. and no one and I mean that no one could ever make me. It's going to be hard on you though because I have to be around Xander.. because I still take Christian to see him. They're close.. very close and it's not going to be easy at first.. because Christian is used to me and him together"

" Tristan I know you'd be upset if I didn't go.....I don't know if I could handle Xander being there.....I would think about you and him....and I just don't know."

"Ever heard of facing your fears. It might be good for you. You'll see there's nothing there. He's protective of me and I appreciate it but there's no love there's nothing like we have. It may help you to see that. To understand... because I need you to. I can't cut him out but it's going to be so much easier if you can understand.. if you can accept it."

" yeah I guess so..but I can't leave Dom alone right now.....I haven't told you about the custody thing between me and allison.....Allison and I met up last week , court ordered and Dom hasn't been the same.....and I have to bring her with...she freaks out if I leave."